Archive for category Rant Time

You’re Wrong.

Aug 18

Posted by mattbarnette in Rant Time, Site dispatches | No Comments

 

I keep seeing a lot of people posting the following status update on Facebook:

“Thank you Florida, Kentucky, and Missouri, which are the first states that will require drug testing when applying for welfare. Some people are crying and calling this unconstitutional. How is this unconstitutional? It’s OK to drug test people who WORK for their money but not those who don’t?… Re-post this if you’d like to see this done in all 50 states!”

Sounds pretty awesome, right?! You work your tail off for peanuts and people who don’t shouldn’t get a free ride, should they?! This is America! Make your own way and get a job, you lazy bum!

Maybe it sounds good as a knee jerk reaction. Maybe you haven’t thought it through. Well, considering I’m unemployed, and don’t drink and don’t smoke and don’t do drugs, let me take the side of those in a less fortunate situation. And I DEFY you to say that I am lazy and haven’t earned my way and contributed to society. I made TV shows and you watched them, so if anything, you’re the couch potato.

First off, each welfare applicant has their own unique set of circumstances at the root of their misfortune, so therefore no broad legislation could right the wrongs of the system.  I believe this means that we should, for the time being, accept the shortcomings of the current system and focus our efforts in more effective areas.

Let’s not stop there. If you’re so into drug testing for these lazy good-for-nothing welfare users who are taking advantage of all your hard work, let’s take it further. Shouldn’t all types of public assistance require drug testing?  How would you feel if testing was required for unemployment benefits or social security?  How about those on disability or the parents of Head Start children?  Should they be tested as well?  What about students receiving financial aid, or WIC mothers, or seniors on Medicaid?  Clearly these people could also be abusing the generosity of the American public.

LET’S BE THOROUGH.

You also might not be considering this, but the bank and auto industry bailouts are estimated to be somewhere between 770 billion and 1.2 trillion.  We’re talking tax cuts, grossly profitable contracts, and outright cash payments to big businesses that take that money and a lot of the jobs at those companies and take them overseas.

All that bailout money could have paid the last decade of social welfare and not even one CEO or politician was drug tested. Plus, urinalysis is the only semi-affordable way to drug test on such a large scale and there are a handful ways you can beat that already highly ineffective test. Also, if you think the cost of the drug testing isn’t going to come out of your tax dollars, you are beyond naive.

People applying for state jobs have to pay around 90 bucks out of pocket for this test. Do the math of that cost times however many people are on welfare!

It’s time to come to the realization that salvation doesn’t lie in reforming our tiny offerings to the poor, but by taking back the money that was swindled from us by the wealthy.  Even Warren Buffet agrees with it, as he wrote an op-ed piece last week in the NY Times telling the Government to tax the rich more and take away the tax cuts. The richest 1% of our nation possesses more wealth than the poorest 90% and this gap is growing every day.

Wake the hell up, America, and put your vitriol towards the real issues.

EDIT – 8/21/11: Jon Stewart from the Daily Show pretty much took what I said and ran with it to hilarious effect. Do enjoy.

The Daily Show – World of Class Warfare – The Poor’s Free Ride Is Over
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Notes From An All-Day Meeting

Aug 11

Posted by mattbarnette in Meeting Notes, Rant Time | No Comments

I’m cleaning out some files and I just discovered the following, which are notes I made, in order, on Twitter during an “All day Meeting” scheduled from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. for the day of April 12, 2011 at my now ex-job. 

Please, do enjoy. 

  • Walking into a meeting literally scheduled from 7 minutes from now until 5 o’clock. Wish me luck.
  • Powerpoint has the term “A MARKETING PARTNERSHIP.” – Yes, in quotes. So I fully expect them to turn on us. Way to tip your hand, “partners.”
  • 13 minutes in and I have deftly avoided taking 2 business cards. I’m frantically scanning the room for tools to murder myself
  • Oh good, my best friend ever, who is late by the way, and in no way my best friend, took the last seat available! Beside me!    
  • Dear god this is more brutal than Dethklok could ever be.
  • I’m looking around and almost no one else looks like they’re dying inside except for Sally(fake name) who was pretty good at feigning interest for the first few minutes. Respect. 
  • I want to know how some of these people don’t regularly put a gun in their mouth in the mornings. Also someone said “synergy.” Take a shot if you’re playing the at-home game of Corporate Lingo Alcoholic.
  • LAME JOKES + HAHAHA NERVOUS LOUD MEETING LAUGHING. That’s not incredibly awkward or anything.
  • The clock say 10:11 but my internal clock is assuring me that I have literally been here for weeks. 
  • COST ANALYSIS RATIOS AVERAGE GIFTS SATURATE THE MARKET HOLISTIC NEW AGE LISTS SEGMENT TEST VOLUME CORE LIST DEMOGRAPHIC 
  • I have decided that my job has received my services for free this year and that my whole salary is earned by being at this.
  • 15 minute break – quick! Help me cone up with an illness to fake!   I may have to play the three word card that can get you out of anything. Say it with me, folks! I. HAVE. DIARRHEA!
  • I’m glad I realized this guy at our all day meeting had a insulin pump because I was about to start making jokes about him being the Beeper King.
  • Lunch supposedly is at noon. That’s 46 minutes away. Which in all day meeting time is akin to 9 months 14 days. You could have a meeting baby with someone you met in this very meeting. We’ll look back on this like we served in Vietnam together.
  • This meeting is what I imagine scientists or accountants talk about before Ogre kicks in the door and screams NERRRRRRRRDS!!!!
  • Regarding Christian demographics “we haven’t penetrated that market.” Well, of course you haven’t, Sunshine. True Love Waits!
  • This lady presenting has an extremely sunburnt face and I want to believe it’s from projector glow. She’s had her share of all day meetings.
  • This lady presenting has the same problem as the Will Ferrell SNL character who can’t control the loudness of their voice. HUSH LITTLE BABY, GO TO SLEEP.
  • This would be a good point in the all day meeting for a long squealer of a fart. Just saying. No one? Do i have to do everything?
  • I wish they would hire one guy here who just makes sure the air conditioner always works and if it stops working then we get to beat him.
  • At this point I would take a pay cut if i never had to go to a meeting again. I’m not kidding.
  • Someone literally just said our strategy was to “make the most money we can.” Man, I think they’re onto something. He should be a professional business man. 
  • This one guy is drinking catered Tropicana cranberry juice out of a champagne flute instead of the bottle. He’s so fancy.
  • Just asked a question regarding budgets for marketing “Are we going to be taking a metrics based approach or the carnie way of yelling and getting noticed?” and earned five dollars from my friend Sara Cottrell for working the word “carnies” into a question.
  • Baked potatoes and salad for lunch? Man even the all day meeting lunch sucks.
  • Have officially bailed from the all day meeting citing “deadlines.” I just couldn’t do it, gang. 
  • 8:30 a.m. to 12:47 p.m. was how long I lasted. I already hit “decline” on my Outlook calendar invitiation to tomorrow’s meeting. They’ll be fine without me.